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Obama (Still) Weighing Options in Afghanistan


November 18, 2009 | Issue 45•52

Obama Weighs Options In Afghanistan

Pressure is mounting on President Obama to make a decision on the future of Afghanistan.

Here are the options currently being considered:

  • Not only learn the lessons of Vietnam, but apply them as well
  • Visit; act fascinated by their rugs
  • Remove every American soldier; see if fighting continues
  • Legalize gambling, as that’s worked well domestically
  • Thunderdome-style battle to the death between Gen. Stanley A. McChrystal and Afghanistan Taliban leader Mullah Omar
  • Call the Taliban pretending to be the Prophet Muhammad and tell them to stop ambushing American soldiers
  • Announce you’re raising troop levels by 15,000, then pull everybody out, then come back with a half million soldiers, in the process convincing al-Qaeda that you’re loco and not to be messed with
  • Arm and finance a group of religious fighters
  • Back the murderous drug-dealing warlord with the most government officials in his pocket



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